Story Break
Look Tough. Wear Man Pants.
Gear Bylls' finishing school.
C rapChoppers Ltd., a British outdoor clothing company, wants you to look like a man.
A man who can do stuff. Like eat bugs. And drink his own urine. For fun.
A man who can have his own TV show, wallow in the mud, sleep in luxury hotels. And still look bitchen.
Because chicks dig it.
But even more important, because guys do.
Especially guys.
Macho parking lot cruisers, guys with apartments full of guns, lifetime gym memberships, and TV remotes super-glued to the Idiot Channel.
And who's going to lead the way? Who's going to show you how?
Well, the leader of the pack, dude.
The guy with the frequent sleeper discount at the Pines Resort Hotel in California, the guy who can assemble a bamboo raft kit in front of an entire video production company magically filming him all alone in the world's worst, remotestest hellholes.
Like Hawaii.
Are you up to it? Can you handle a room with broadband internet and blueberry pancakes for breakfast, in a place advertised as a cozy getaway for families?
Yes?
No?
Tell you a secret here. It's lots easier when you've got your own Gear Bylls' Adventure Suit® from CrapChoppers Ltd.
Gals go crazy for craggy guys wearing stuff from CrapChoppers. A mouth full of grubs won't do it. Not even biting the head off a snake.
No.
Instead, you need some Gear Bylls' AdventurePants®. (Like the Gear Bylls' Survivor Full Stretch Trousers®, but with enhanced elastic gut control for the mature macho guy.)
The right fit. The right sizes. The right colors. For every guy.
Try some on and prepare to go missing in action.
And you get the Gear Bylls® imprint on it all. Even the underpants, now with Teflon.
Gear Bylls' Teflon Undos®. EZ-off/EZ-on. Stains rinse right out, in any creek or high-end hotel room.
And the special super slippery Qwiky-Dick UndoGear® fabric helps you make a near-instantaneous escape if a marauding husband comes home early.
Chilly?
Never even been outside before? Don't want to be?
Is OK. CrapChoppers covers your back as well as your butt.
Just buy a Gear Bylls' Freedom Jacket® in your choice of camo, super-camo, ultra-camo, or any of the above with realistic blood stains printed right on. No need to bleed, indeed. "If you got the cash, we provide the flash", is what they say.
Be the macho man's macho man. Be smothered in babes. Get free drinks. Wear underpants. Fake it.
Just like Gear Bylls. (Coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you.)